"The Rival Dramatists" 



44 



Cock-A-Doodle-Doo!^ 



by Otis Turner 



(A Burlesque on the Reigning French Dramatic Craze.) 



A PLAYLET IN ONE ACT 



ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 



Copyright 191u 



m:- 



'The Rival Dramatists'' 



OR 



•Cock-A-Doodle-Doo!" 



by Otis Turner 



( A Burlesque on the Reigning French Dramatic Craze. ) 



A PLAYLET IN ONE ACT 



ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 



Copyright 1910 



V 



THE RIVAL DRAMATISTS , <r 



Tselr 



Scene 1. (A Grosser Inspiration.) ,'^^ 

{A country lane. In the foreground, barnyard and outbuildings 

on a well-stocked American farm. Barnyard well stocked with 

fowls, cattle, horses, sheep, etc.) 

Se The Grosse (a portly American,! enters from the L. fore- 
ground with note-book and pencil in hand.) Ah, this is what I call 
getting next to Nature! In this age of realism, that is the great 
secret of an author's success! Oh, for an inspiration! {looks 
around, holding note-book and pencil.) 

A large rooster (impersonated by a human actor, enters from 
barn door, rushes down to the gate, where Se the Grosse is 
siVinding.) 

Se the Grosse. Ah, what a large fowl ! The biggest foul I 
have seen since the Chicagos played the New Yorks ! So tall 
you hardly see yon 'shanty-clear' — ^the head of yonder Chanticleer ! 
By Jove! that's good! I'll book it! {Writes.) 

Rooster. {Discovers an ear of corn and proudly announces his 
discovery.) Behold my Southern hospitality! There's corn in 
this locality ! It is my custom, every morn, to take a "little nip ' 
of "corn!" Come, Goose and Turkey! This is free! Come 
take a morning nip, with me ! 
{Goose and Turkey, impersonated by human actors, run out uf 

barn door and join rooster, bowing to him, and all dispose of 

corn.) 

Turkey. Ah, Mister Rooster, here's your health, sir ! A gen- 
tleman of taste and wealth, sir ! 

Goose. My compliments, sir, are profuse ! You can't expect 
much from a goose ! 

Se the Grosse. Ah, there's hospitality for you ! He invites 
them to join him'.) Well, T"' prefer my corn in liquid form! 
Bourbon, not. cob-on, is my choice! Ah! A brilliant idea! I'l- 
book it ! ( Writes. Scene closes. ) 

Scene 2. (Inspiration of Le Chevalier.) 
Full stage scene representing exterior of barnyard of wcll-kcp: 

estate in France. The fowls are of the Game variety. Ca.tflc 

and horses are well groomed and everything is in dire "' con- 
trast to Scene 1.) 

Chevalier de Rostando_, a miMl]i-aged French gentlcu. \ en- 
ters from R. foreground, dresse'd'**after the fashion at :scni 
affected by writers and artists iri Paris, while out walkii' i the 
morning. He is sm<oking a cigarette and idly stroL.'n \niii, 
rather bored by his surroundings. He is suddenly <.y lized 
into action by something that attracts his attention in t Kirn- 

2 

©CI.D 2151B 



yard. He drazvs note-hook from his pocket, clambers over the 
fence, excitedly runs up to a group of animals.) Ah! beautiful 
tattle, with dreamy, poetic eyes, that eat the golden buttercups 
and then gives buttermilk! (Runs over to group of horses.) Tell 
me, oh steeds with melan-cholic eyes, why do you canter-lope ! 
('Runs to pigs.) Ah, fair Shakespearean creatures, happy when 
you are "Ham-let" alone, but woeful when you are consigned 
to "Bacon!" (Near barn, well in background, is a large, hand- 
some dog-house, from zuhich a large dog, impersonated by a human 
actor, enters and comes down, playing, frisking and barking 
around the Chevalier.) 

Dog. Bow-wow ! Wow ! 

Chev. Oh, noble animal, thou raiseth a question in my mind ! 
If a cur should lose his tail, would he be cur-tailed or de-tailed; 
and if he recovered it again, would he be re-tailed? (Rushes de- 
lightedly to foreground and exclaims:) Ah! At last I have the 
Grand Inspiration ! 

(Scene closes in 2.) 

Scene 3. 

The rather roughly' furnished den or study of an American 
literary man — the walls hung with paintings or water colors of 
American farm scenes. — a round writing table well down stage 
in foreground. Hung over the table, a large representation of 
a bell zvith lettering formed of corn , grains, spelling the zvord 
"CORNTOWN." A large demijohn on table with vertical let- 
ters to represent corn grains, "CORN-JUICE!" A gallon 
coffee pot, large-sized cup, large instand, several quill pens and 
a lot of loose MSS on table. The floor covered here and there 
zi'ith rugs and skins. MSS loose leaves scattered about. Large 
fireplace L, over which hands a water color representing a large 
rooster on a rail fence, crozmng at the approaching dawn. 
Printed across the bottom of the water color is a quotation as 
follozvs: 

"It is the martial bird of morn, 
Brave Chanticleer, the vocal 

lighthouse of the dawn !" 

Se the Grosse (discovered, arm resting on mantle, gazing at 
the picture. He has on sm'Oking-jacket, towel zvrapt around fore- 
head.) Oh, insidious, invidious, perfidious fowl! To your foul 
example I owe this confounded head of mine ! Following your 
example, I took my morning nip of "corn" and went to bed well 
"corned!" I'm too old a rooster to learn new tricks! Now I'm 
plastered up with wet towels! (Goes to ice-zmter cooler, dips 
tozcel in, zvrings if out, re-zm'aps head zvith it.) 'Tis passing 
strange that when one gets well soaked inside, he must be well 
soaked outside! (Goes to table, picks up quill and begins to 
zi'rite.) Oh, fair Muse, send me now a glorious inspiration. 
(Stage gradually darkens, scene dissolz'^cs in vision, shozving 



Scene 4. 
A country barnyard zvith hay piled in foreground, about which 
are grouped a turkey, a goose, a rooster, a donkey and a cow^ 
all impersonated by human actors. They are holding a council, 
discussing, in pantomime, the scarcity of food.) 
Turkey. Companions, I am heart-sick ; no, gizzard-sick I 

I'm sure I'll be a goner pretty quick ! 

Alas, I am a "Gobbler" now no more ! 

I've "gobbled" nothing for three days or four ! 
Goose. Well, "Misery loves company," so they say ! 

Alack ! I wish a goose could live on hay ! 
Rooster. If we but had the good things that we used ter 1 

I mope upon the roost all day, so I'm indeed a "Rooster I" 
Donkey. 1 fain would sing a woeful ditty, — 
All. Don't ! 

Donkey {with disgust). You have no ears for music; what 
a pity! 

Cow. And I've no heart for "Moo"-sic! I am cowed! (Large 
hog, impersonated by human actor ^ enters slowly from L.) 
Donkey. In my despair, I fain would cry aloud — 
All. Don't ! 
Donkey. I won't! 
Goose. Here comes our Walking Delegate, the Swine ; 

Let us consult him, for his judgment's fine! 
Rooster. Speak, Brother ^f'ig! What shall we do? 
Hog {gloomily). Do as you like! I'm quite disgruntled, and 
I move a strike ! 
All. Aye, a strike ! A strike ! We will have corn ! 
Farmer {entering R.). By Heck! Another strike as sure's 
you're born! 
All {chasing him threateningly). Corn! Corn! 
Hog {savagely). Give us to eat! We starve, you blamed old 
mummy ! 

Farmer. Git out, ye ruffian swine ! I'll kick ye in the 
"tummy !" 

Donkey. We must have corn! 

Farmer {points to crib, which is empty.) Ye see, I ain't got any. 

And I can't buy it, fur I haint a penny ! 

Look at the crib ! Ye see there's nothin' in it I 

If I had corn, I'd give ye some this minit ! 
Rooster {in despair). We love our lives and sadly grieve to 
lose 'em ! 

Oh, Brother Goose, let me weep on thy bosom ! 
Farmer's Boy {enters L. 2, with stock poster of country fair.) 

Oh, Dad ! They're goin' ter have a County Fair, 

And there'll be lots of feed fur critters there ! 

The stock here. Dad, to this 'ere Fair we'll take, 

And they kin stuff theirselves till they git stomach-ache ! 



The Animals (delighted, do grotesque dance, singing:) 

High-ho ! To the Fair we'll go. We'll be the stars at the 

Farmer Show ! 
We'll hll with corn and with grain we'll stuff! 
For once we'll have enough ! enough ! 

{Dancing around as scene f\ides back to shozv Se the Grossc 

again in his study, sitting at the table.) 

Se the Grosse. He who with Nature holds communion, 
Finds beasts and fowls have their trade union, 
And when things don't go as these creatures like. 
The stock, like human animals, go on a strike! {sits at t'able 
and zvrites as picture fades.) 

Scene 5. 

The study of the French writer, the Chevalier de Rostando. 
A handsome interior furnished with Louis XIV furniture. 
1 large medallion I'ug of the period. 1 dainty zm'iting desk 
well down L. C. 1 large easy chair of the period at fireplace 
R. 1 hmdsome loiv couch of the period C. against wall. Paint- 
ings, bric-a-brac and decorations all suggest dainty French 
atmosphere.) 

The Chevalier discovered seated in easy chair, near fireplace, 
reading from a page of MSS. He seems well satisfied with what 
he has read, rises and goes to ivriting desk.) Ah! that is superb, 
magnificent! I am a grand author! (Pulls bell. Francois en- 
ters.) Francois, bring me champagne and glasses. 

Fran. Oui, Monsieur! (Exits quickly and returns almost 
immediately with champagne cooler, champagne and glasses — places 
them on small tabourette, at head of couch. Chev. takes cigar- 
ette case from the desk and lights cigarette at small Roman lamp.) 
Chev. That is all, Francois ! You may retire. (Exit Fran- 
cois.) Strolls leisurely to couch and seats himself.) Ah. these 
Turkish cigarettes! They are a rare brand. They are full of 
dreams and fancies ! (Drinks glass of wine, then reclines on 
couch.) Oh, subtle, fragrant thing from the strange, mystic 
East, from out thy curling smoke let visions rise to bring me 
inspiration! (As he begins to smoke the scene dissolves into 

Scene 6. 
A barnyard scene. An exaggerated barnyard scene, zmth large 
hen house in L. foreground with run leading to floor. Several 
hens and a dog are discovered (characters impersonated by 
human actors.) 
1st Hen. Oh, Biddy Speckles, isn't Mr. Chanticleer 

The grandest, swellest looking Cavalier? 
2nd FIen. Yes, but he's such a flirt ! He's making eyes 

At every pullet that is half-grown size ! 
Ylc 0^1 YR (entering) . I pay my compliments, a pleasant duty! 

Ladies, you are a galaxy of beauty! (Passes on.) 



1st Hen. Pie's so gallant!. There's nothing low or common? 
2nd Hen. He'd be just charming if he wan't a Mormon! 
{Hen Pheasant enters.) Oh, see that stuck-up thing, that 
Birdie Pheasant ! 
I thought, ere long, the hussy would be present! {both hens 

threatening her.) 
You gipsy hussy, we'll pick you to pieces 
Unless your showing off around here ceases ! 
Rooster {steps betzveen them. Hen pheasant takes shelter be- 
hind him.) 
Why, Ladies, shame ! Tm shocked, — astonished ! 
You shall not harm her ! There now, be admonished ! 
{To Hen Pheasant:) Oh, gentle creature, don't you be 
alarmed ! 
I will protect you, dear! You shan't be harmed! 
1st Hen {indignantly). "Dear!" "Gentle Creature!" Did you 

ever ! 
2nd Hen. Before our very eyes ! Well, no, I never ! 
Rooster. There, there! Don't show this jealous disposition, 
I've just discovered, from my high position, 
A flock of crickets hopping toward the clover. 
HEisfS {excitedly). Where? 

Rooster, There ! Make haste, dears, or they'll soon get over ! 
{Hens rush off after the crickets. To Pheasant:) Come, sweet 
one, fly with me. My heart is yearning — • 
Hen Pheas. What will folks say! I fear they are returning! 
Rooster. Come quick, dear love, and never mind their cackle ! 

For your sweet sake the Devil himself I'd tackle ! 
Hen Pheas. {coyly). Oh, you're so pressing and I can't resist 



you 



Rooster. Quick, Sweet! Make haste! This way! Shall I as- 
sist you? {They exit hurriedly: The dog has been matching and 
laughs. ) 

Dog {laughing). Ha, ha, ha, ha! Oh, I could split with laugh- 
ter! 
That's ten today that he's been chasing after! 
{Laughs as scene fades and changes back to the Chevalier's 
study.) {He rises and goes to desk.) 

Chev. Oh, splendid ! Charming ! So Antony wooed Cleopatra ! 
{writing excitedly.) 

"A tender passion thrills his rooster bosom ! 
Love drawn, he leaves the hens and tries to lose 'em !" 
Another cigarette! Ah, let me dream again! {Lights cigarette 
and reclines on couch as before. The scene fades slozviy and 
discovers) 

Second Vision. Bank of a Lake. Avenue of large trees leading 
back to drop, which is painted to represent a giant forest. At 
opening of scene, several frogs, impersonated by human actors, 
rise from the lake and hop out of the water and begin playing 



leap-frog on the shore. Funny pantomime scene. They are 

startled at the approaching Rooster and Hen Pheasant. They 

stop leaping and huddle together at back.) 

1st Frog, Oh, see the masher looking sweet and pleasant 
And making sheep's e3^es at that fly Hen Pheasant! 

2nd Frog. Well, ain't it awful ? Won't his wives be worried ! 

The gay old rake ! and then he's so much married ! 
PoC'SiER (enteifs lozingly with her, she coy but 'loving.) Vd 
press my lips to thine, oh, lovely creature ! 

Hen Pheas. You make me blush, I am so innocent, you see, 
sir ! 

Rooster (zvith passion). Oh, not too young to learn love's 
sweet insisting! (Frogs gather round and group about, zuatching 
loze making.) 

Hen Pheas. Oh, don't, dear! for I'm sure there's someone lis- 
tening ! 

Rooster (sees frogs; starts for them angrily.) Eavesdropping 
frogs ! We'll have you for our supper ! 

Frogs. (Up stage half threateningly.) You'd better not! We 
know you're an eloper! We'll tell! We saw it all! You hugged 
and kissed her ! 

Rooster (dashes at them). I'll have your lives! 

^FOGS. Oh, no! Not this time. Mister! (They dive into the 
lake.) 

Rooster (returning to her, lovingly.) Come, fair one, let us 
wander on, in this direction. 
Where w^e may love and kiss without fear of detection ! (He 
leads her away lovingly as scene fades back to Chevalier's study.) 

Chev. (jumps up and goes to table.) Another chapter in his 
passion's story! I'll jot it down! Smoke up, oh, magic cigarette, 
till I see how this feathered amour ends ! (Same business as 
lefore and the scene fades to 
Third Vision, A large tree in foreground, with hollow trunk, 

beside which is discovered asleep the Rooster and the Hen 

Pheasant also asleep nestled under the shelter of his zving. 

Perched on the tree, over their heads, are three ozvls (^imper- 
sonated by human actors.), (Light effects secured in this scene 

zvhereby we change from night to day.) At the approach of 

dazvn, the owls: 

1st Owl. Hoot! Hoot! This old cock with his love grows 
weary 
And sleeps upon the bosom of his deary ! 

2nd Owl. She cuddles up beside the gay old masher ; 
Oh. if his wives once catch her, won't they thrash her! 

Srp Owl. But see, the east with coming dawn is glowing ! 
It hurts our eyes, so we had best be going ! 

1st Owl. The sun is rising, so we'd better scoot! 



2nd Owl. Let's aeroplane it homeward quick! {They rise on 
the zving and call in concert) Hoot! Hoot! (They Uy off of the 
scene. Lights gradually up as sun rises.) 

Hen Pheasant (waking). Oh, my! The morning sun is here! 
'Tis time to wake my darhng Chanticleer. (Trying to rouse 

him. ) 
My hero and my knight ! the sun is here ! 
My loved one, we have overslept ourselves, I fear. 
Rooster (starts up in agony and despair.) Oh, what is this? 
On high the morning sun. 
And I, his trumpeter, asleep ! What have I done ! 
My bugle always waked the King of Day 
And bade him rise and journey on his way ! 
Beguiled by love, my duty I forgot! 
My glory's lost ! Henceforth he needs me not ! 
Oh, wanton ! It was my passion for thy wild, entrancing 

beauty 
That ruined me and led me from the path of duty ! 
Away ! And may I never see thee any more ! 
My life is crushed! My dream of folly o'er. (Rushes off 
madly. ) 
Hen. Pheas. (in despair and grief). Oh, woe is me! I am 
fond passion's wreck ! 
My guilty love's repaid! "I've got it in the neck!" (Weeps 
as scene changes back to Chevalier's study.) . 
Chev. (excitedly starts up from couch). Ha, ha! This looks 
like tragedy ! So, after actium's fatal battle, Antony felt toward 
the Sorceress of the Nile ! But I must know his fate and this 
amorous story's end ! Puff up, thou Oriental punk, till I may 
learn the rest of this ! (Same business as before and the scene 
fades again to 

Fourth Vision. Same as first vision. (Scene 6th. The dog is 
discovered sitting on fence, singing to himself and watching for 
the return of the Rooster. The hens ore busy searching for 
their breakfast.) 

Dog (sings). The rooster ran away in amorous glee 
With a Hen Pheasant. He was mashed on she! 
Oh, he was such a mashing Lothario ! 
But won't his wifeys pull his feather hair-i-o ! 
He'll try so hard to square it if he can ! 
Ha, ha ! A rooster is so like a man ! 
Chorus.) Bow wow! Bow wow! Mashers, take warning! 
It is so very diff-erent in the morning! 
To mash is very sweet, but, oh, how bitter 
If "wifeys" ever see you with that hussy critter! 
1st Hen. It's hard to have to hunt our breakfast in the grass! 
2nd Hen. Well, we're grass widows, since our Lord deserted 
us, alas ! 



1st Hen. Well, you may weep, but I feel awful cussy 

Since he eloped with that loud gipsy hussy! {Rooster enters 
dejected and crestfallen.) 
2nd Hen. Oh, see ! He comes ! Don't he look mean and 
sneaking? 

Dog {in glee). There seems a coolness now! He and his wives 
ain't speaking! {To rooster:) Hello, old roue! Back from 
your escapade? 

Rooster. Thus jeers the world when all our honors fade! 
1st Hen. Nay, we'll forgive and love you as of yore! 
2nd Hen. Yes, if you'll promise to do so no more ! 
Rooster {tragically). Away! Try not to soothe my shame, 
my woe ! 
My glory's gone ! No more at dawn I'll crow ! 
" In passion's thrall my duty I forgot ; 
The Sun has learned he can arise un-crowed ! He needs me 

not! 
This guilty love undoes the foolish gay-beau ! 
My doom is sealed! I am a dead gazabo! {He staggers in 
an agony of grief and falls dead in the foreground.) 
Hens (in grief). Oh, woe is we! He died of his disgracing! 
Doc {laughing). . Ha, ha! Ha, ha! That's what he got for 
■ going "chasing!" 

That's what the masher gets for being too libidinous ! 
Sic semper gloria Roosti too promiscuous! {laughing — hens 
weeping as the scene changes to former scene, the study of 
De Rostando.) 
Chevalier {springs from his couch, much elated.) Ha! at last 
I have the divine theme for my greatest play ! I shall be famous, 
immortal tomorrow ! {He writes hurriedly and excitedly, then 
zcalks back and forth, triumphant!) Oh, I shall be great as Mo- 
lierre ! I feel the laurel wreath upon my massive brows ! Ros- 
inndo the Grando ! {Scene closes on him strutting to and fro.) 

Scene 9. 

Hallway of oMce building; sign on door in foreground reads: 
"Hirem & Dooem, Play-readers for The Great American Skin- 
c irate." {Se the Grosse enters, followed by two negro ponders 
who carry between them a large book labelled, "THE BELLS 
OF CORNTOWN," by Mr. The Grosse. He stops at the door.) 
Se the Grosse. Put down your weary load awhile! 
Porters {obey, mopping their foreheads). Yes, sah ! It's mighty 
heavy! What is it all about, Boss? Lead mines? 

Se the Gros.se {contemptuously.) Lead mines! No! Your 
brows are as high as a hen's ! Let me, prophet-like, read the 
Signs of the Times! {Reads sign over door.) Ah! 'Tis the 
place! I stand face to face with Fate or Fortune! {He knocks 
loudly.) 



Office Boy {entering from door.) Well, 'Turty," what do you 
want ? 

Se the Grosse {with dignity). Irreverent menial, I fain would 
see thy great masters; I have a play {giving card). 

Boy. Well, you'll have to wait! See? {Exits in door, slam- 
ming it in the face of Se the Grosse.) 

Se the Grosse. Odds bodkins ! Now by me Halidam, I would 
have the low varlet whipped and put in the stocks for his ribald 
slangery ! {To the porters:) Slaves, bring hither the mighty 
book! {They obey. He sits on the edge of it.) I am aweary and 
1 fain would rest. {Takes large cigar from pocket and lights it.) 
Thus Genius, lackey-wise, must wait in patience on the nod of 
bloated vulgar authority! {Scene closes in.) 

Scene 10. 

Handsome oiUce interior. Desk L. with enamel sign, "Manager." 
A portly gentleman {French type) seated at desk. Group of 
French actors seated about office. CheiPalier discovered reading 
from his MSS. {During all this, three wardrobe women enter 
carrying dresses for Hen Pheasant, a rooster and a black-bird. 
Two stylishly-dressed French actresses enter.) 
Chev. {reading). "The rooster ran away in amorous glee with 

a hen pheasant. He was mashed on she !" — 

1st Actress. Oh, wait, Monsieur! Let us look first at our 

dresses for the parts! What matter the lines? It is our looks 

that count ! 
Chev. {with contempt). Looks, indeed! What would your 

looks amount to if I did not give you the divine play in which 

to show 3^ourselves ofif? 
2nd Actress. And what would your divine play be if it were 

not for our divine looks and the costumer's divine art? {Scene 

closes on them all trying to talk at once and the manager -with 

his hands over his ears. 

Scene 11. 

Study of Se the Grosse. He enter's excitedly, with a newspaper 
in hand, reads item, which appears in large print so as to be 
read: 

"Unparalelled success of the one epoch-making drama of 

the age! 

Chevalier de Rostando the hero of the hour !" 

Rostando, indeed ! a tyro, a charletan in art ! What knows this 
frog-eater of the Promethian fire of Genius? Ah, 'tis I who 
should — 

Servant Maid {enters announcing) Some one to see you, sir! 



Se the Grosse. I am in no mood to give an audience ! Who 
is it? 

Maid. Two express men, please. 

Se the Grosse. Humph ! Well, the express men do not please ! 
But let them enter and express themselves! (She exits.) What 
can this mean? My mind misgives me! 

Two Express Men {enter carrying betivcen them the large bo:: 
seen in the previous scene.) 

1st Express Man. Say, Mister, here's yer pamphlet! (Put it 
on table and exit both express men.) 

Underneath the zvords BELLS OF CORNTOWN is pasted a 
label zihich reads: "Refused zvith thanks. Hirem & Dooeni." 

Se the Grosse (excitedly). Ha, ha! I see it all! This suc- 
cessful play of this French dude, that is so loudly praised here, 
in the paper, has been stolen ! Stolen from my great book ! 
Death! Blood! I will to the telegraph office! I will have re- 
venge! Revenge! (Rushes off. Scene closes.) 
Sge]\e 12. Interior American Telegraph OMqe. Operators at 

zvork at desks, sending and receizing telegrams. Se the Grosse 

enters hurriedly, in great ruge. 

Se the Grosse (to clerk). Say, you of the lightning-winged 
fist! Have you RED ink? As red as blood! Blood! I would 
fain send a telegram of death ! Death ! ( Writes furiously. The 
cablegram appears. He reads it aloud and fiercely to f:ie operator:) 

Chevalier de Rostando, 
Paris, France. 

Not satisfied with appropriating my long-nosed hero, 
you have purloined my rooster ! I now challenge you to 
mortal combat! Se the Grosse. 

There, young man, send that cablegram with dangerous high- 
voltage electricity ! Make it deadly ! 

Clerk. Twenty samoleons ! Give us the "squid." (Holds out 
his hand.) 

Se the Grosse (hands him tzventy-dollar bill). 'Tis did and 
he is dead! Ha, ha! (Scene closes in.) 

Scene 13. De Rostando' s Study. Same set as Scene 4. Chevalier 

is seated at his desk. Enter Manager, actresses, and some 

characters from Scene 10.) 

Manager. Good morning. Monsieur. I comie to congratulate 
you. 

Otpiers (all speaking together.) "Yes. so did we all!" "That's 
vrhy we came. weVe here for that too," etc. 

Chevalier (rising). Thanks, dear friends! This avalanche of 
pr?ise quite overwhelms me! (Actresses fall upon him and em- 



brace him, calling him ''Dear thing!" "Sweet Chevalier!"- "You 
darling poet!" etc., etc. He disengages himself at last and 
touches bell. W^aiter enters.) Francois, bring champagne and 
glasses! (Fran, exits bowing.) Come, dear friends, in cham- 
pagne, the nectar of ' the gods, you shall drink to my success ! 
{Francois .re-enters zvith wine and serves guests. They drink 
to the Chezalier's health, wealth, success, etc., etc. 

Servant (enters zmth c.iblegram and hands it to Chciaiier and 
retires. He opens it and reads, surprised first, then amused.). 
(Cablegram large and is seen by audience.) 

Chev. (laughing immoderately.) Listen, all! The grandest 
j oke ! 

All. a joke? 

Che7. Yes! You shall hear! (Reads telegram to them. They 
all laugh at it derisively, much amused.) So, this foolish swash- 
buckler claims that I have stolen his Rooster ! Ha, ha, ha ! Well, 
that's too good! (They laugh.) So this is a rooster fight! So 
be it then ! Ha, ha, ha ! 

Actress. What will you do, dear Chevalier? 

Chev. Do? Listen and you shall hear. I have an idea! 
(Goes to desk and zvrites hurriedly. He reads it to them. It must 
be zvritten large so audience can read it.) 

Se the Grosse, 

Grosse Terrace, 

Porkopolis, America. 

I will meet you on one condition — that we settle our 
differences a la Chanticleer. De Rostando. 

Scene 14. Six Months Later. The Duel. The cock pit with 
large crozvd on bleachers, one side American, the other side 
French. De Rostando, in full evening dress, with Chevalier in- 
signia on ribbon across shirt front, enters zuith a small game 
cvck under his aim and bozvs. Then Se the Grosse enters from 
the American side zvith large rooster, impersonated by human 
actor, and bozvs. The cock tight proceeds between the two roost- 
ers, characters urging them on. French cheer zvhen small 
rooster has advantage, the Americans zvhen the large rooster 
has it. Scene worked in pantomime except the cheering and 
coaching from the crozvd. 

END. 



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